yes i ran back but you were not there and if you would have been you would not have said a word silence and again i ran back to silence where i just came from circles repetition i never loved but i had no choice i wanted to know how it would feel but i did not feel anything other then the strange warmth of freedom still i am sad but it will get better my love will not fade so easily and when i get stuck in now and time will hurry on i will forget but not stop to love try to imagine what it is like but it is difficult i suppose it must be something like a total detachment of all that surrounds me a full stop while live moves on and i can see all disapear in the distance if i can not run back anymore nor forward for that matter i am a free spirit and you you stood there and tried to control the weather like i showed you a long time ago but it did not work because something was missing as it were not in the air anymore control afterall is not important but the leaders on the sideline had to get involved just to show their selfinflicted authority and only by vicious threats they managed to make me back off not that i care because there is always something out there that is after your happiness however they will never be able to destroy my love and thoughts that part of me is untouchable and not for sale and i hope this bothers them somewhat now there is nothing left for me but to keep running back and leave all behind without cry or blink of the eye the horizon in my back back to new love and happiness i take giant steps while my concern for the future and all and everyone in it fades away rapidly a smile on my face because the numerous opinions i heard on the way can finaly be trashed conform the value they represented and i paused in the middle of mainstreet looking for my shadow but it was not there on my way from s to g and back to find what might matter and i thought that it is nothing to live in hell like it is nothing to sit next to the devil in person but it is not nice that he does not want to talk to me a silence that can not be broken for no reason i can come up with so what can i do but move on and try to forget most of the past to live the least of the present and to expect nothing of the future which just because of that will come with all kind of surprises i smile and can hardly wait for the only thing that i realy own is time and it is also this very time that eventually will pass me by but it is good when i wonder how it would have been if i had never been born and it is only a matter of time to know this because after death i will have no memory of my once existance and for me it will be as if i never had been around so i run back to experience once more what was i contemplate as it was but do not feel a thing still i remember that i felt so much it sometimes was agonizing i hope this is much better now for i still have life a lot of life in me but not anymore for somebody to share as reality relations are drowned in concessions and getting older does not leave room for this just for the fun of it i choose to be a free spirit and do not need any comfort i let all go and try to feel if it hurts but it did not it feels good and i am a bit surprised then i take the colors from the sky with a single kiss and dip the clouds in deep red just to give them a better reason while on days like this i may easily drift away towards the shores of oblivion where the beginning embraces the end and through tears the gray is split in colors so bright and my struggle for life seems so useless because the more i struggle the more i loose until all is gone but then i will be free to roam the beaches and touch the silky sand tanned in any sun and sing of the body naked and meet you once more i wish because silence is not there it is just makebelief while fishes gaze in everlasting wonder at least that is what i see but i am not aware anymore of the truth of perception so leave it be a new quest without motivation but i am curious and always will be for i never could tell what might happen so anything will i hope just a spark a glimpse in the dark i dream you but can get close maybe because deep in my mind i do not want to something does not make some sense i think but why am i still with you on beaches and sand and can't forget but i never could forget a single thing forever memorized now in colored pictures in a mind in overload that frightens and i should not think about it so i look into the sky and hear the wind whisper when will they ever learn but i know they will not because this is what we know what we do since the far past over and again and will into the future for however it still can last for there is nothing to learn anymore not even from mistakes while self made gods evil as live itself think they control the masses with decisions on who lives and who dies while they should drown in their own sleeze of lies which is all good but not important so i better move on to leave everything behind me and then i will know in the end what the hell was this all about of course too late but that can only cause tears from laughter while queen of horizon guards my princess beyond i look into the light of tomorrow to give me the colors you can only dream of and wonder how long it takes to be free from all because i am so close that i can touch it but do not feel oh harmful innocence i claim you die on these very lonely shores with sharp dark rocks as i loose life in my own wishing well but did not wish that much after all and even that little can border on the impossible obviously my fault but it is so good that nothing and no-one is to blame i am happy to say and happy to have all these memories of bliss knowing nothing would nor could last forever but oh glory at last rumour has it that the queen of horizon wants to see me so i can meet my princess of dawn and must leave most of you behind because a new beginning is at hand as you can see by the clouds that color deep red as once spoken to the sky and i remember the happiness i found of which i didn't know it existed only to find out that it cannot last forever so now i know that balance and harmony always gets me back on the very path i do not wish to walk while i look upon the future in the little time that's left and wonder what comes next or better after princess or should i be deaf to the call of the queen just to remain free as i always wanted to be deep in my heart looking at the world in which the good people form the vast majority but the bad rule simple as that but i really am not bothered